It's ridiculous how you send me one message, just one, that has nothing to do with anything other than work, and yet, by sending it, you tell me you still want to be friends, and my heart lightens. It's so. fucking. ridiculous. How is that fair? or even possible?
In truth I think I know. Loving you is awesome and wonderful and delightful and and and...but it would all be for nothing if we couldn't have that friendship we have. Our relationship started with friendship - actually, it started with waiting, for about 3 weeks. and it ended with waiting...also for three weeks. if it starts up again, which it will have if you're reading this, I wonder how long I will have waited for you... - and that's no surprise. Math is always something we shall share.
Someone asked me the other day how I feel about you (I think it was steph) and I answered that I wouldn't want anyone other than you, because of the stupid little things like going to a math meeting with you...That means so much to me. I really enjoyed going to those colloquims, having my brain blasted apart and knowing yours was coping a little bit better, and coming out of them and being able to talk about and discuss the ideas in them...There is no one else I can do that with. Yes, there are other people that love math as much as you and I, but I don't know if any of them think on the same level as you and I. I never want to lose that.
I love you this much, where much is defined as:
$\text{much} := [\forall x \in \mathbb{R}, \exists \epsilon>0 | |x-p|>\epsilon \text{ for some p}]$
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Letter 1 28 Dec 2011 00:44
I love looking through all our photos of the times we’ve
had. You’re so exquisitely beautiful, and you have so much character in your
face and smile. Your eyes light up every photo, it’s truly gorgeous.
And yet our photos tell a story…Maybe I haven’t uploaded all our latest photos, but there are clumps of photo’s in time – we have photo’s from throughout the year, but they’re pretty much focused on the months of December-March. This makes sense as this is when we did the most. But what about the rest of the year?
I think this is part of what you’ve mentioned to be the problem. That we don’t do anything anymore…and I really can’t figure out why this is. We both wanted to go out and do things, but we never did.
All I can think is it was a combination of a lack of money and time – I had no money, you had no time. It’s definitely not fair to say it was just one of us that is to blame for this - it’s both our faults.
We enjoy getting out and doing stuff. Or at least I do. I no longer know if you do actually, which is quite a sad realisation – do you still want to do things you enjoy? I don’t know.
But I know there are things I want to do with you – not with someone else, but with you. Why? I don’t know.
I want to take you on a cruise like I did last week. You will love it, that much I do know. It was so breath-takingly beautiful out there, and sitting on the top deck….
And yet our photos tell a story…Maybe I haven’t uploaded all our latest photos, but there are clumps of photo’s in time – we have photo’s from throughout the year, but they’re pretty much focused on the months of December-March. This makes sense as this is when we did the most. But what about the rest of the year?
I think this is part of what you’ve mentioned to be the problem. That we don’t do anything anymore…and I really can’t figure out why this is. We both wanted to go out and do things, but we never did.
All I can think is it was a combination of a lack of money and time – I had no money, you had no time. It’s definitely not fair to say it was just one of us that is to blame for this - it’s both our faults.
We enjoy getting out and doing stuff. Or at least I do. I no longer know if you do actually, which is quite a sad realisation – do you still want to do things you enjoy? I don’t know.
But I know there are things I want to do with you – not with someone else, but with you. Why? I don’t know.
I want to take you on a cruise like I did last week. You will love it, that much I do know. It was so breath-takingly beautiful out there, and sitting on the top deck….
above you are trillions of stars. You can try counting them, but
you become so overawed by their beauty you cannot help but stop and just stare.
They take your thoughts away and make you feel insignificantly privileged to
view something so terrific. The boat is rocking beneath you gently, a soft
splash sounding from the waves kissing the shore in the distance, the combination
lulling you to a doze as your ears and eyes are caressed with beauty. Your skin
though is tingling in the fresh, cold air, and you’re shivering slightly, which
is when the arms around you are so appreciated. Just to sit there in relative
warmth in their arms as the shore sighs and the stars twirl and the boat sways
and that’s what is so special about it.
But that’s just one thing I want to do with you. You said you wanted to go to the zoo and we never had a chance – and I was really looking forward to taking you. To walking around the enclosures and seeing the smile on your face, and that gentle look in your eyes when you see something that truly touches your heart, like when you’re around horses. Your whole body and face soften, and your entire being focuses on them, communicating in a way I never can. I love animals, but the connections you have with them brings tears to my eyes.
But that’s just one thing I want to do with you. You said you wanted to go to the zoo and we never had a chance – and I was really looking forward to taking you. To walking around the enclosures and seeing the smile on your face, and that gentle look in your eyes when you see something that truly touches your heart, like when you’re around horses. Your whole body and face soften, and your entire being focuses on them, communicating in a way I never can. I love animals, but the connections you have with them brings tears to my eyes.
Did
you know that Chocolat no longer gives me the same attention since you broke up
with me? Perhaps she can sense how I feel, but I think it’s more a case of you
no longer being a part of me.
Then there were the rose gardens. I’ve been there frequently, we’ve been there twice, but you never really got the chance to see the roses or to relax in the garden. I know you want to do that, so I’d love to take you to it, let you enjoy it.
Along with that I want to take you to the museum. I’ve been, and in truth it’s a lot of fun going. So we should go there and have fun. You can really enjoy the attractions they have, and be in awe of what they do there…some of the exhibits steal your voice, and you walk around with your mouth open with a long low “wow” sound coming out.
And then there are beach related things. I want to take you up to the dunes near woodhill. Take a picnic blanket and have a meal sitting on the dunes, in the quiet, gazing out on the beautiful western sea. We’d get to see a truly spectacular sunset if we were up there for that time. It’s such a deserted place – almost like 90 mile beach – and yet so friendly.
I also want to just have a picnic dinner with you, late at night, on the beach, and then cuddle up and just talk. I’ve done this with a friend(except for the cuddling) and though she cried almost all the time (she’d just broken up with her boyfriend) it was a lovely time, and I kept thinking how much I’d love to do it with you. I really don’t know why I never did. I think I was waiting for a special time, or else for you to stop being so busy.
There are a lot of things I want to do with you still. And I sincerely hope I can do them with you, because you’ve really taken root in my heart. Without a doubt, nothing else matters as much to me as you do, I don’t want anyone other than you. And I want you back. And so this is the first letter. There will be more. And I hope with all that I am that at some point I’ll be able to kiss you again, and hold you again, and have you as mine again, and be in love WITH you again.
Then there were the rose gardens. I’ve been there frequently, we’ve been there twice, but you never really got the chance to see the roses or to relax in the garden. I know you want to do that, so I’d love to take you to it, let you enjoy it.
Along with that I want to take you to the museum. I’ve been, and in truth it’s a lot of fun going. So we should go there and have fun. You can really enjoy the attractions they have, and be in awe of what they do there…some of the exhibits steal your voice, and you walk around with your mouth open with a long low “wow” sound coming out.
And then there are beach related things. I want to take you up to the dunes near woodhill. Take a picnic blanket and have a meal sitting on the dunes, in the quiet, gazing out on the beautiful western sea. We’d get to see a truly spectacular sunset if we were up there for that time. It’s such a deserted place – almost like 90 mile beach – and yet so friendly.
I also want to just have a picnic dinner with you, late at night, on the beach, and then cuddle up and just talk. I’ve done this with a friend(except for the cuddling) and though she cried almost all the time (she’d just broken up with her boyfriend) it was a lovely time, and I kept thinking how much I’d love to do it with you. I really don’t know why I never did. I think I was waiting for a special time, or else for you to stop being so busy.
There are a lot of things I want to do with you still. And I sincerely hope I can do them with you, because you’ve really taken root in my heart. Without a doubt, nothing else matters as much to me as you do, I don’t want anyone other than you. And I want you back. And so this is the first letter. There will be more. And I hope with all that I am that at some point I’ll be able to kiss you again, and hold you again, and have you as mine again, and be in love WITH you again.
At that point in time, I’ll
give you these letters.
I love you without limit.
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